dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
