I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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