I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
