Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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