thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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