he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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