i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
