He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
