is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
