also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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