I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
