I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
