I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
