the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
