mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
