If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
