Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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