in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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