This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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