Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
