I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who died my cat blue again?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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