I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
