I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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