I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize