hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...