in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
