Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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