I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
