I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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