Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
