How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
love makes seman taste better
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
