Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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