don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
