I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
