Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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