My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
