Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drunk is not a location!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
