Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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