ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
