I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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