You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
