dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
