You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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