And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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