If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
