Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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