had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
