Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You ate ashes out of my bong
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
