I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
