Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just pynch a tree in the face
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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