what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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