living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
