I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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