It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
my liver is dry heaving
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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