Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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