You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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