my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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