speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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