I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
