My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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