Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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