i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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