My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
