I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
