i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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