Duck Duck Cougar?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
