watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
