I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
