my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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